November 2020 – True Talk with Temitope

TRUETALK

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Month: November 2020

Is love ever enough?

November 23, 2020

I watched a movie and it was all romantic and lovey dovey. I was "awwing" but the relationship coach in me kept screaming red flag, no way, how can you fall for that, use your head girl, etc. Let me gist you. This guy is badly behaved and hurt because his mother betrayed him. He displayed this bad attitude to everyone around him. This girl, who is his personal assistant , stayed in spite of the ridicule and emotional abuse. She was there for him,...

How realistic are your expectations?

November 23, 2020

I think we are all kind of guilty of this. We have an image of a perfect spouse based on what we read, what we "think " we see in other people and what we have experienced. As a result , we build up certain image of who an ideal mate is.Why cant he help around the house the way my dad does?Why cant we be super duper dope in his dressing the way Tunde is?Why cant she be a firebrand prayer warrior the way sister Tamedu is? Bisi gave birth and has...

Restriction on Communication

November 23, 2020

A lot of people have placed restrictions on communication with their partners because of hurt they are yet to heal from or fear of being vulnerable. While it's not likely that people have set out physical of what not to discuss , they have set the list in their minds like : I can never talk about this or that.Peradventure their partner mistakenly initiates conversations in that directions, they either become very defensive or recoil and go into...

Encouragement VS Praise

November 23, 2020

Encouragement is further than praise. I encourage even when I don't see result just yet. I believe in them, in their effort , in capabilities and capacity and even the manifestation is not evident, I choose to encourage and boost their moral.What am I saying? As it relates to your relationship, do you offer only praise and refuse to encourage ? Praise does wonders. It makes your partner know that you see them and all their efforts....

In-laws in Love or In-laws Otherwise

November 23, 2020

One of the things you need to discuss extensively before marriage is relationship with the "laws". Discussion is however different from reality but the discussion can be a very useful guide in making decisions going forward. Things to note:1. They are your family now and take time to understand each person's personality.2. Its necessary they (on both sides)give you space to allow both of you understand each other fully. This needs to be mentioned....

Married but Acting Single

November 23, 2020

Another issue that couples have is those that are married but have chosen to continue to act single. Such actions can include:1. You make sole decisions that affects your home without carrying your partner along.2. You don't check in with your partner your let them know where you are or let know you will be coming in late.3. You try to hide the fact that you are married to outsiders who don't know you4. Your mannerism is always seductive to the...

The Race to Snap back after Delivery

November 23, 2020

Oh the joy of having a little one, nurturing, loving and caring. So cute and so dependent on you. The love for them is so fierce you can protect them with all that you have.The struggle to get back in shape both size wise and body texture wise is real. The stretch marks seems to be a permanent feature of the body and has a lot of people losing confidence. Some even dread that their vee vee may not be ideal and attractive to their partners anymore....

Beware of Crises Induced Life Changing Decisions

November 23, 2020

People respond to difficult situations and circumstances differently. Events sometimes makes people take count and reflect on what is important to them. Some hasten up decision making on issues they have been dragging their foot on. Now, the type of action or decisions and the motive behind the act will determine if the decision will stand the test of time.Look at the examples below and let me know if the decision is a right one.1. Dele wasn't sure...

Intimacy cannot be achieved without Vulnerability

November 23, 2020

Vulnerability requires a high degree of trust. Is your partner free to be themselves or they hold back from baring it all. All round vulnerability is necessary in building a happy and healthy relationship. According to Brene Brown, vulnerability is the glue that holds intimate relationships together.Some of the reasons why people are not vulnerable include:1. Trust issues2. Fear of rejection by your spouse3. Pressure by your partner to perform...

Can I have other best friends outside my partner?

November 23, 2020

We are not meant or created to walk life on our own. Jettisoning your friends because you are in a serious relationship or because you are married is folly of the highest order. They say your partner should be your best friend. Does that mean you shouldn't have other friends? It's not having friends that destroys relationships but who you have as your friend and their influence in your decision making. Your friends dont have to be super close...

Why am I attracted to broken people?

November 23, 2020

Some people see cool, calm , collected , well behaved and awesome but , no!, they will be attracted to broken and busted. The reasons for your fatal and destructive attraction may include :1. You feel the need to save them by being there for them. Newsflash : you cant change anyone that does not wish to be changed.2. You feel sorry for them and think your being there will make a difference.3. You don’t think you deserve better because of...

Signs that you are Desperate Lover

November 23, 2020

1. Always stalking on social media. Setting up post notifications for all their posts, 1st to like and comment on all their posts.2. Cooking, cleaning , scrubbing and house keeping for someone you just met.3. Being consistently and actively in the life and home of their relatives just to make them like you.4. Accept everything they tell you to do. Not having a mind of your own or opinion about anything.5. Buy them everything they ask for with the...

Whose Name Should Be On Property/Asset Purchased By The Family?

November 20, 2020

I was having a conversation with someone and she shared a story of a mum who was very bitter that her husband left nothing in her name in his will and she has to depend on her kids for upkeep and allowance. According to the woman, she left her high flying and paying career to raise the kids and the man didnt deem it fit to leave anything in her name in his will. Her kids are taking care of her but she finds it insulting that she has to depend on...

Sexual Intimacy

November 20, 2020

How many times have we heard certainnotions about sex? Countless , I can imagine. They say those things to deter us from being promiscuous. Unfortunately, it has deeply taken root in the heart of many and has grossly affected them from enjoying sex fully in marriage. Examples include : 1. Good girls dont initiate sex. They just make inaudible and unnoticeable sign language . Lol.2. Don't overly express yourself during sex.3. Dont ask to be...

A Sexless Marriage

November 20, 2020

Except there are clear health challenge you are both dealing with and have the advice of your doctors to stay away from sex, you should never get comfortable just living together like just roommates. Also, working on your marital challenges does not mean you cant be with each other. As long as you are both not sweeping issues under the carpet. A sexless marriage is not a healthy one even if both of you have low...

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